Thoughts on King Lear

I recently completed understanding King Lear. Here's the conclusion of the paper I wrote which I'm sure we'll all love hearing more about soon:

Lear wishes to quantify and multiply everything he loves. "Let's have a party," Lear asserts, and pretty soon it's happening. When you're as rich and royal as Lear you have to watch out because everyone will be trying to take advantage of you pretty soon.

Lear defeats this in two manners:

1. By hiding his wealth in the cave or in the ugly doll the Fool owns.

2. By pretending he isn't that rich even when its embarrassing to do that. (For example, asking people if he can borrow their horses because he is too poor to have any, etc. In this way he also really does save money making him even more rich, also doing this impoverishes his friends slightly also increasing his relative wealth.)

It is lonely in Lear Castle and to make himself feel happy about it he uses his daughters and the Fool and makes or lets Kent come over. Lear gives things away in exchange for thank yous and generally plays the big man. Lear can never escape the crown that sits all around his brows to make him think very hard about responsibility and "What It Might Really Mean To Be The King". When there's no answer there's no problem. If Lear even thinks about what other people could be King it could make him sad or ragingly angered.

Interview with Mark Bruno: Yacht Club Stripper Part II

--PART II--

The second and final part of my interview with Mark Bruno, sex worker.

L: Tell me more about the dances.

Bruno: They have this formal-style dance, like waltz, and they dress in traditional sailor uniforms from the 1900s and dance with their grandsons. They have these chairs set up on the sides. The older board members stop dancing first- they get tired out.

They sit in these deck-chair things, and staff people bring them champagne and steaming hot bread and stuff. The idea is to keep them going as long as possible. I guess it's something that all these yacht clubs do.

They keep dancing this waltz, their grandkids are crying, screaming.

L: My goodness, that sounds like quite a show...Continue please...Are you present at these dances?

Bruno: Anyways, while they're sitting there, myself, and this other sex worker (we're on our hands and knees the whole time) we have to keep these old guys going-- keep them awake, so they can get back in the waltz. So we suck 'em off, jack 'em off, whatever.

The waltz is supposed to go all night. As soon as the sun comes up, they all get on this huge yacht.

L: Where do they go?

Bruno: I have no fucking idea. They don't talk about it. But…

L: ?

Bruno: The adults all get back the next day- the grandkids don't get back until a few days later.

L: Hmm…

Bruno: I don't know what the hell happens out there. I just take my thousand bucks and don't ask questions.

L: You said its possible you only have 2 of these gigs a month...what do you do in your spare time?

Bruno: There's some other paid sex shit that I do.

L: Can you talk a little about that?

Bruno: I have a regular gig with the police department, one with the tailor's union.

L: How did you get involved with this sort of work? Don’t you consider it somewhat demeaning?

Bruno: Once you get one job, if you're really good, people tell their friends- you get tons of offers. And I’m really, really good.

Demeaning? In what way?

L: You know, because you are on your hands and knees, that sort of thing? I could be wrong here.

Bruno: Are you trying to imply that because I'm white, and went to St. fucking John's, that I should be suffocating in a fucking office somewhere?

L: Now come on.

Bruno: Instead of singing while 12 tailors cum all over my face and neck at the same time?

L: I only meant, since you DO have a college degree…Oh Mike.

Bruno: There's nothing like it, Adam. I swear.

L: Mike, off the record here, Surprise!

Bruno: WHAT??

L: This interview is going to be used for Tisher and Adam's BLOG!

Bruno: NO!

L: Go check it out now! Part One is already posted!!

Bruno: How am I going to find work?

L: Don’t worry, I changed your name. Aren’t you excited! This is one of the number one comedy blogs in the country!

Bruno: Adam, I'm the only one who works for the tailors, the yacht club and the police.

L: Really?

Bruno: They'll know it's me. I signed all kinds of confidentiality shit.

L: Don’t be such a worry wart. They won’t know.

Bruno: Oh god.

L: Surprise!

Bruno: Aaron, I am so fucked. You have no idea.

L: Well, thanks for helping me out, that’s it for now.

Bruno: Mark Bruno is my fucking stage name, you idiot!!

L: Umm…

Bruno: I'm fucked! I'm going to sue Tisher's fucking ass off!

L: Well, you shouldn’t do that.

Bruno: Also, I’m not a fucking stripper. I'm a sex worker; we have uniforms.

L: Is that going to be a problem? I guess I was a little confused at first.

Bruno: Yeah, well it's not a world that many white-bread college kids get to see, is it?

Interview with Mark Bruno: Yacht Club Stripper

I spoke with person, Mark Bruno, for my series People and Their Jobs. Mark tells us a little bit about his job as Yacht Club Stripper.

PART I:

L-Could you tell me what you do?

Bruno-I am a sex worker.

L- (haha)

Bruno- I have sex with men at yacht club events.

L- Oh.

Bruno- i get $1000 a month no matter what. Sometimes that means 10 events, sometimes two or three.

L-What exactly do you do at these events? Could you describe it a little?

Bruno-I...There are these dances.

L- Yes?

--END PART I--

With a little foresight...

Put a glass of milk in the freezer before you hop in the shower. That way, when you're done, you'll have a glass of ice cold milk to dip your cookies in. With just a little foresight...
Sing a song to your pets at night. When you grow older and start to depend on them, they'll remember those kind songs you sang them and treat you like a king. With just a little foresight...

Krazy A's UPDATE

Krazy A's UPDATE:

To All Restauarant Goers:
Are you tired of THIS happening?: You are sitting comfortably at a restaurant eating and drinking leisurley, enjoying a relaxing meal, and meanwhile your waiter is running to and fro, fetching this and that, scrambling about as beads of sweat drip down his forehead and into your drinks?
So are WE!
That's why you no longer have to feel awkward being waited on, because at Krazy A's Bistro our waiters eat and drink WITH you!
That's right, we eat and drink while YOU eat and drink. Watch as a member of our experienced waitstaff strolls leisurely up to your table, greets you with a pleasant smile and takes your drink order. Watch as he returns to the table, passes out your drinks, and then takes one for himself! Our waiters will stand by at your table to finish his drink. This is our way of saying, "Hey, we're having a good time, too!"
When the meal comes, no more having to hide your pasta alfredo from your waiter's greedy eyes. He'll be munching on his own piece of Krazy Toast! We give our waiters a hefty helping of Krazy Toast each day, so when you are getting your meal, they'll be getting theirs!
And hey, they'll even pick up the check...EVERYTIME!
So come to Krazy A's Bistro, where our waiters eat and drink with you and even pick up the check...EVERYTIME!

Slogans

Adam and Eve
NOT Adam and Steve!

Odds and Evens
NOT Odds and Stevens!

Watch it with Tivo
NOT Watch it with Steve-o!

Alternate Endings

• A velociraptor awakes with a start, shaking her head swiftly and flaring her nostrils. It is 75 million B.C. in the Cretaceous. Moments ago she had been on the verge of pouncing upon a large primate when she had been snatched up into the jaws of a Tyrannosaurus. A large banner reading "When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth" had fluttered down as the Tyrannosaur, now pinning her under its foot, had let out a triumphant roar. The velociraptor snorts before rising to rejoin her pack. Tyrannosaurs are extinct. It is not the future. It was all a dream.

• The camera pulls away swiftly from the eyes of Euphegenia Doubtfire as she sits up sweating and panting. She is in a darkened bedroom in England. She turns on her bedside lamp and handles a worn newspaper clipping. Her adult child Daniel and her grandchildren Lydia, Chris, and Natalie died in an automobile accident in San Francisco over five years ago. She lies back upon her pillow and begins to weep before the screen goes black and credits roll over the Roy Orbison song "In Dreams". It was all a dream.

• We cut back to full color as the Wicked Witch of the West awakes with a cackley shriek. There is no Dorothy. There is no Toto. She is safe. But she is still in an asylum, crazy with grief from being ugly. The camera holds on the witch in her cell as the credits roll over the scene. Roy Orbison singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" begins to play. It was all a dream.