Jalapeno pt I

Jonathan approaches his friend's door and knocks. A commotion of loud music is heard within.
From inside he hears: "Come in!"
Jonathan opens the door and walks in. Smoke fills the living room. A stereo blares loud
pumping music. A voice from the
kitchen yells: "Come in, have seat! One sec!" The smoke is really bad, it seems to be burning
Jonathan's eyes. He squints slightly and fans smoke away.
Jonathan says to himself, "Is that jalapenos? " He sniffs the smokey air and coughs slightly.
He yells to the kitchen: "Are you cooking jalapenos?, some kind of peppers or
something?"
"No! Asparagus and roast beef!" the host yells.
"I could've sworn it was jalapenos..."the guest mutters, trailing off. He appears to be lost in
thought.
Suddenly a vision appears to him, it is a jalapeno with the face of a man. The
face begins speaking to
him. "It's jalapenos, Jonathan. Can't you tell by the smell? That's what he's cooking, you
know."
The face smiles and then disappears.
The guest walks to the kitchen. "Hey, what's going on here," he sounds alarmed.
The host smiles, and holds up a frying pan which he has just been holding over an open flame.
On the frying pan lay three very large jalapenos, smoking and glistening with oil and grease.
The guest jumps back slightly, horrified, but trying to conceal it.
"Just cooking us some supper," the host replies, smiling again. "I'm so glad you're here, by the
way."
He looks at Jonathan for awhile, then goes back to cooking.
"I thought you said roast beef," Jonathan mutters as he leaves the kitchen.
He walks back to the living room and sits down on the sofa. The jalapeno appears to him again. This time it seems angry.
Jonathan implores it: "I don't know what's going on here. Please help me."
The jalapeno replies, "You're in a very bad situation now, you understand."
"What should I do?" Jonathan asks.
The jalapeno shakes it's head and disappears.
Out of the kitchen comes the
host, carrying a smoking plate of food. He sets it on the table infront of Jonathan, then sits across from his guest. He is apparently delighted to be serving
his guest.
Jonathan looks down at his plate and frowns. It is one of the jalapenos he saw before,
only now it has shrunk considerably. It does not look appetizing; it is bursting
with some sort of filling.
"Mmm, looks good," Jonathan says.
"It's crab," the host replies, beaming.
"Hmm."
They begin eating, silently.
"May I have some water?" Jonathan asks. He is beginning to sweat.
The host runs to the kitchen for a glass.

(to be continued...)

How To Become a Writer in 12 Steps: PART IV

We all want to be writers, it's a fact. The reason is simple: we want to create our own reality. And in fact, we already ARE writers. We create our own reality every day. Not through writing always, but through how we view the world. Take a quick scenario. You see a man driving a large pick-up truck. How do you interpret it? In other words, how do you WRITE it, IN YOUR MIND? Are you a pansy-ass liberal who sees the truck as a worthless status symbol? Or are you an asshole conservative who doesn't give a shit about anyone else and drives whatever the fuck he wants? Or, are you an enlightened piece of shit who delights in all human life, regardless of the trappings of this physical world? Either way, you are a piece of shit, no matter how you view the world. And that is the fourth lesson in our series.

STAY TUNED FOR PART FIVE: Getting Down To Brass Tacks--Writing Page One

Did You Know?

Did You Know?
A rooster is a male chicken and does not produce eggs. Only the female chicken can produce eggs. The eggs we eat are unfertilized, the female chicken having had no contact with the male.