"Canticle the Crabman", An Absurdist Drama in Three Acts
Young Canticle Crab, the rightful heir to his father the King's throne is wrongly exiled to a faraway land [a bed of washed up seaweed merely a few feet from a large group of rocks, these rocks comprising the entirety of the Crab Kingdom (any land not in the immediate vicinity of this group of rocks pronounced "faraway lands" by crab people who have a short-sighted view of geography.)]
Act One
Scene One (Crab Kingdom, outside the wall of the King's Castle, which is being manned by a lone crab guard)
Guard:
Me likes to sit about and guard the castle fairly well, when there is action enough to occupy me, such as the outing of our Royal Guard, and sitting back eyeing the marching troops I can daydream about their adventures and fancy myself among their ranks (were I not such the weak runt that I am!); or when the princess and her attendants are strolling about close to the castle walls, picking the wild Gerber daisies that grow so abundantly there, laughing gaily , and playing sprightly games with each other, affording me ample opportunity to gaze on them with admiring, wishful eyes; or when all is silent except for the sound of rustling leaves of the trees when the wind blows through them, the gentle, rhythmic lapping of the waves, and the far off cry of a seagull; and these sounds all but lull you to sleep, while you entertain the most peaceful reflections about Life and Nature, then the joyful mildness that is all around pervades into your innermost Being; at such times I count my work a positive pleasure!, but oh what torture it can be when outside these drab walls on a hot summer day (like today) not a soul is stirring, the sky itself seems lifeless, and there is not an ounce of movement anywhere on the whole horizon! The air is so thick and still, and heavy, it weighs down so oppressively on my very soul that my daydreams are stifled before they can even start, my thoughts turn inward, my worries double, and before I know it a horde of evil thoughts are gnawing at my brain like incessant maggots. It is easy to dream and hope when the air is light, the birds are singing, the clouds are majestic, and everything around seems to entice a budding fantasy to bloom and grow upwards towards heavenly thoughts; but how dismal is the day when there is no lady in view to kindle any passion, nor brave troop to raise your chin and fill your breast with noble pride; no exciting goal on the horizon you can fix your thoughts to. It is times like these I begin to wonder...
(a movement in the distance startles the Guard out of his revelry)
What's that I see? A crab from the
Messanger Crab: (collapsing a few feet from the Guard)
Sir! I...stabbed...could not help...Canticle...
Guard:
Dear Lord! Get up, sir! My God! Somebody help!
(Exit Guard who rushes into the castle to find help, leaving the dying crab alone.)
Messanger:
May god help that poor soul...(he dies)
(The Guard returns with two of the King’s Soldiers, the King's Assistant, and the Doctor.)
Guard:
But he...He was just talking! Oh my!
Doctor: (checking the dead crab's pulse) This crab is dead.
King's Assistant: Bring him into the castle. (turning to Guard) What did he say?
Guard: (tears streaming down his face) I don't know, I don't know.
King's Assistant: What did he want? He must have said something.
Soldier #1: (lifting the dead crab and hauling him away with Soldier #2) Buck up man. Get a grip.
Guard: He said something about Canticle...
All: Canticle?!
Guard: I can't believe he's dead! Oh my god!! (falls into a terrible fit of sobbing)
King's Assistant: Get him out of here! (all exit except Assistant)
Canticle, eh? So he's involved in this? What new treachary is brewing? Can't tell the King, he's no good at dealing with these sorts of issues...I'll have to deal with this myself...
(exit King's Assistant)
(end Scene I)
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