When I got out of the womb I was burning hot and screaming as hard as I knew was possible. I was red and hungry for something cold. Every since then I've been trying to eat ice cream but it always lets me down. Let's take a look at some flavors:
Rocky Road: This travesty promises chalky chocolate and gets in your way with its marshmallows and nuts. It even smells gross! Like walnuts! No thanks, I'll stick with something else that isn't exactly like --
Mint Chocolate Chip: Every time I think about how I ate this once I can't help but think about the idea of all those chips coating the inside of my esophagus like mushy brown kitchen tiles. It makes me want to suffocate to think about that on my throat! It's as bad as --
Peach Almond: Made from the grossest fruit except for nectarines this flavor is bar none the worst I've had this week. Flakes of almond feel like fingernails or toenails at worst. Keep trying Dreyer's! OOPS! I mean Breyer's.
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2 comments:
Good Job Cold Shoulder! I hate all those crappy flavours, too.
You Rule!
I love You!
Cold Shoulder sez:
Everyone talks about ice cream but nobody ever does anything about it.
In the upcoming long weeks look for two towering scoops of vengeful ice cream evaluation. Whether you're eight or eight more years than that you're too old to be chewing ice cream without thinking ice cream.
Americans eat over a grand canyon amount of ice cream each time but only two columnists in this country dare to tackle the i-cecream i-ssue. And only one is available on the web or on your mobile phone.
Cold Shoulder. PUT A CHERRY ON TOP!
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